This round-robin email came to me again yesterday, and I thought I'd post it. Firstly because it's very funny.
Secondly because to certain people jumping on the Islamophobic bandwagon on the basis of Muslim homophobia, it's an appropriate reminder that while, yes, deeply unpleasant, backward and reprehensible homophobia is widespread amongst observant Muslims, it's equally common amongst the faithful of the other 'religions of the book,' and no amount of pinkwashing will cover that up. Homophobia, sadly, stems from social conservatism and the alarmingly popular practice of taking the word of 4000-year-old texts a bit too literally, and is not confined to one specific religious group.
And thirdly it's an entertaining highlight to the hypocrisy of the American Moral Right. The 'Dr Laura' mentioned at the start of the email is a Republican radio show host who has authored 'family-first'-type books with titles like:
Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives and
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. This family-friendliness did not apparently extend to keeping her hands off the married father-of-three she's now hitched to, having started an affair with him while he was still the husband of someone else. She's also made herself deeply unpopular with the North American gay community, to the extent that "In May 2000 the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (CBSC) ruled that her "consistent characterization of the sexual behavior of gays and lesbians as 'abnormal,' 'aberrant,' 'deviant,' 'disordered,' 'dysfunctional,' and 'an error' " constituted abusive discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, and as such, were in violation of the human rights provision of its Code of Ethics. The CBSC found similar fault with her generalized statements that pedophilia is more prevalent among members of the gay community." She has also been the subject of various - in some cases successful - boycotts and campaigns, most notably
StopDrLaura.com.
It's also worth noting that the letter below does not come from the guy whose name is at the bottom. But he seems to be generally sympathetic to it, and has put together an
entertaining collection of his reflections on his accidental fame and of the letters - ranging from the bonkers homophobic to the amused liberal - he's received from people who did think it was him.
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US academic and posted on the internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia
PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
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